Saturday, December 20, 2008

I'm getting a tattoo!

Ha ha! Made you look!

Actually, I have decided to compile a list of some of things I'm grateful for, and I was just trying to cleverly manipulate you into reading it instead of clicking on someone else's blog. I'm feeling misty eyed and sentimental enough to get my own series on the Lifetime Channel right now, and felt the need to spread some of that Hallmark-y emotion.
Actually, the truth is that this list is a way to cleverly conceal the absolute lack of anything interesting going on in my life under the auspice of ebuilliant nobility. Nonetheless, here is my list in no particular order:

1) Cake for breakast. Chocolate frosting. Yum yum!
2) Paid vacation days
3) Freedom to go to church and say grace over my tater tots in public. Not that I eat tater tots in church. I meant at the place were the tater tots are served.
4) Starbucks
5) Sleeping in
6) English accents
7) Mute buttons (I work in a call center, so you can imagine what joy that can bring. Too bad they don't have mute buttons for people)
8) Furry socks
9) Furry cats
10) Not having a furry back

And the list goes on, but not here. I'm not that narcissistic. Now go read someone else's blog who has a life.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Preachers' Convention 2008

Just got back from Preachers Convention in Palmdale, CA, and had a great time. Here are some of the highlights/things learned from the car trip and subsequent camp, not necessarily in chronological sequence:

1) Good bonding time in the car with Snoozy, Steve, and Brenda
2) Ate some of Gareth's fried turkey
3) Got hit on in the desert by a complete stranger (story to follow)
4) Was complimented on my pouf
5) Learned that Pastor Steve has a bladder the size of a Hello Kitty change purse
6) Lotsa home cooking

We arrived in the dark am hours of Thanksgiving, and I was so grateful to collapse onto a made bed (thanks Donna). Of course the main reason to go to any kind of camp is to draw closer to the Lord. Which I pulled for. I learned something very important on the last day of what Jesus wants from me. I'm so glad for the encouragement of my God.

All seriousness aside, it was a total food fest over there. Some people didn't end up coming, and some people got sick,which meant there was a lot of extra eats. It was like being suspended in a perpetual buffet at Luby's. There was so much leftover that we made a new foyer and preaching lecturn out of the stuffing remnants. On the bad side, I did succumb for one day to a flu bug (Bubonic Plague Jr) I was grateful that the Lord touched me fairly quickly.

And now for the aforementioned story: Sonya and I decided to take her 47 hyper dogs on walk in the desert. We were trotting along the sandy path, when a white car pulled up to us. Below is a rough recap of what was discussed. I'm going to include the literal conversation in regular type. In italics, I'm going to include the unspoken subtext of what was thought, but not spoken.

Driver: "You guys Holiness?"
Sonya: "Yeah, we're staying at the campgrounds up the street."
Driver: (leering through a sinewy curly que of cigarette smoke) "Great! Me too! I only smoke filtered" In the background, a miniature Doberman barks.
Driver: "That's my dog. She's in heat and so am I"
Sonya: "We have service at 7:30 if you want to come "
Driver: " Yeah, I'll think about it. are there single people at this church? My name's Sam. What's your's?" (brief introductions made)
Sam: (leering at Sonya) "So, are you single?" (leering at Roseanna) "Are you single?"
Sam: "I'm single, too. Me man, you wo-man and standing upright make good couple. ooga."
At this point, Sonya and Roseanna look woefully down at Sonya's tiny dogs, wishing they would temporarily turn into snarling German Shepards in case Sam the Single Person tries anything. Suddenly, the dog jumps out of the backseat,
Sam: "Don't worry about her, she doesn't bite. not that I really know. I just borrowed her from my neighbor to pick up chicks"
Doberman: "Arf arf! run, Forest, run!!!"
Sam: "I'm thinking about either getting a car, because that's a more believable way of making you think that I have money than telling you I own France, or going to Hawaii ...Hmmm. I hear there are single people in Hawaii. (Leering at Roseanna) what's your name again?"
Roseanna: "the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout..."
Sam: "God bless you! should I get chunky or smooth peanut butter when I go to the store next time? "

When we got back to camp, we shared our story with the peeps back at camp. As Sonya pointed out, this clearly shows that we are still got it-after all, here we were in the middle of nowhere, and we still got hit on! Ron had fun with us and made a litte poster out of one of Thanksgiving decorations we had up in the dining room. Sonya and I decided to have our picture taken with it:

Don't we look excited to be with Sam????