I'm getting a tattoo!

Ha ha! Made you look!

Actually, I have decided to compile a list of some of things I'm grateful for, and I was just trying to cleverly manipulate you into reading it instead of clicking on someone else's blog. I'm feeling misty eyed and sentimental enough to get my own series on the Lifetime Channel right now, and felt the need to spread some of that Hallmark-y emotion.
Actually, the truth is that this list is a way to cleverly conceal the absolute lack of anything interesting going on in my life under the auspice of ebuilliant nobility. Nonetheless, here is my list in no particular order:

1) Cake for breakast. Chocolate frosting. Yum yum!
2) Paid vacation days
3) Freedom to go to church and say grace over my tater tots in public. Not that I eat tater tots in church. I meant at the place were the tater tots are served.
4) Starbucks
5) Sleeping in
6) English accents
7) Mute buttons (I work in a call center, so you can imagine what joy that can bring. Too bad they don't have mute buttons for people)
8) Furry socks
9) Furry cats
10) Not having a furry back

And the list goes on, but not here. I'm not that narcissistic. Now go read someone else's blog who has a life.

Preachers' Convention 2008

Just got back from Preachers Convention in Palmdale, CA, and had a great time. Here are some of the highlights/things learned from the car trip and subsequent camp, not necessarily in chronological sequence:

1) Good bonding time in the car with Snoozy, Steve, and Brenda
2) Ate some of Gareth's fried turkey
3) Got hit on in the desert by a complete stranger (story to follow)
4) Was complimented on my pouf
5) Learned that Pastor Steve has a bladder the size of a Hello Kitty change purse
6) Lotsa home cooking

We arrived in the dark am hours of Thanksgiving, and I was so grateful to collapse onto a made bed (thanks Donna). Of course the main reason to go to any kind of camp is to draw closer to the Lord. Which I pulled for. I learned something very important on the last day of what Jesus wants from me. I'm so glad for the encouragement of my God.

All seriousness aside, it was a total food fest over there. Some people didn't end up coming, and some people got sick,which meant there was a lot of extra eats. It was like being suspended in a perpetual buffet at Luby's. There was so much leftover that we made a new foyer and preaching lecturn out of the stuffing remnants. On the bad side, I did succumb for one day to a flu bug (Bubonic Plague Jr) I was grateful that the Lord touched me fairly quickly.

And now for the aforementioned story: Sonya and I decided to take her 47 hyper dogs on walk in the desert. We were trotting along the sandy path, when a white car pulled up to us. Below is a rough recap of what was discussed. I'm going to include the literal conversation in regular type. In italics, I'm going to include the unspoken subtext of what was thought, but not spoken.

Driver: "You guys Holiness?"
Sonya: "Yeah, we're staying at the campgrounds up the street."
Driver: (leering through a sinewy curly que of cigarette smoke) "Great! Me too! I only smoke filtered" In the background, a miniature Doberman barks.
Driver: "That's my dog. She's in heat and so am I"
Sonya: "We have service at 7:30 if you want to come "
Driver: " Yeah, I'll think about it. are there single people at this church? My name's Sam. What's your's?" (brief introductions made)
Sam: (leering at Sonya) "So, are you single?" (leering at Roseanna) "Are you single?"
Sam: "I'm single, too. Me man, you wo-man and standing upright make good couple. ooga."
At this point, Sonya and Roseanna look woefully down at Sonya's tiny dogs, wishing they would temporarily turn into snarling German Shepards in case Sam the Single Person tries anything. Suddenly, the dog jumps out of the backseat,
Sam: "Don't worry about her, she doesn't bite. not that I really know. I just borrowed her from my neighbor to pick up chicks"
Doberman: "Arf arf! run, Forest, run!!!"
Sam: "I'm thinking about either getting a car, because that's a more believable way of making you think that I have money than telling you I own France, or going to Hawaii ...Hmmm. I hear there are single people in Hawaii. (Leering at Roseanna) what's your name again?"
Roseanna: "the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout..."
Sam: "God bless you! should I get chunky or smooth peanut butter when I go to the store next time? "

When we got back to camp, we shared our story with the peeps back at camp. As Sonya pointed out, this clearly shows that we are still got it-after all, here we were in the middle of nowhere, and we still got hit on! Ron had fun with us and made a litte poster out of one of Thanksgiving decorations we had up in the dining room. Sonya and I decided to have our picture taken with it:

Don't we look excited to be with Sam????

Slumming With the Rich People

Yesterday I met Cherita and Julianna at Scottsdale Fashion Square. For those of you not familiar with Phoenix, it is a fancy schmancy high-end mall made entirely of gingerbread and recycled diamonds in downtown Scottsdale. All the pretty people go there. Unattractive people and those who wear tie dye need not go inside. Sadly, I once made the mistake of showing up a few Christmases ago without tweezing my eyebrows, and was promptly escorted off the premesis by security. They were just about to stone me when someone walked by with last year's Prada bag. Thankfully I was able to sneak away.
Anyway, I rudely invited myself along to their excursion because I was dying for some girly girl time. And they are the girly girliest of them all. We had a lot of fun gushing over the minature serving tongs at Crate and Barrell and eating overpriced soup at Paradise Bakery. I'm just glad that we live in a civilized country where one can rush out and buy a snowflake shaped pancake maker if necessary. Or an ice cube tray that spells out the entire Greek and Hebrew alphabet. It was very nice of them to let me tag along. Though the average sweater cost the same as a lung transplant, I still had a lot of fun with them. Plus, I got the last laugh when I sneaked past security wearing shoes that didn't match my purse.

Cooking with Roseanna and other FEMA Disasters

A couple of weeks ago my mom took to Goosberries for my birthday where the tomato basil soup is so good, it is actually delivered to you by singing cherubs on a pink cloud. Anyway, I thought it would be really cool to whip up a batch myself. There are few things as satisfying as making a big ol' batch of soup and squirreling it away for later when you are wearing scrunchy socks and are in a homemade eats kind of a mood. I had visions of myself pirouetting around my kitchen making soup while a soft acoustic guitar soundtrack accompanyed me in the background. Soup so good that eating it at my break area at work would transform the ordinary patio into a magical atrium of flying peacocks and Halleluiah choruses. So after a finding a recipe on the Internet, I bought enough tomatoes to almost weigh as much as God's address book, and got to chopping and simmering. My first clue should've been when it didn't turn that nice, rosy red color:

Is this supposed to look like burned transmission fluid?

I gamely stirred on, hoping for a pre Christmas miracle. I threw in some more salt and pepper, added some more tomatoes. But still my pathetic creation still came out tasting like a bland cross between heated up Play Doh and Gerber's pureed something. The worst part of the whole ordeal is the whompin' mess I made in my kitchen. If one were to walk in, it would be easy to assume that I have been laboring away on a four course meal for Martha Stewart. There are pans and cans and dirty cutting boards piled up self-importantly on my counter implying something much tastier than my lame-o soup. I just had to blog this because if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Especially if that laughing puts off cleaning up your dirty kitchen.

No Purse in Store for Me

The tragedy of it! I sit here with a lip ulcer so big, that I will christen it "Winston." Anyway, Winston and I have been surfing the Internet looking for the ideal purse. I have been searching for a good one for ages, and have cruelly stymied by the evil fashion whims of those who would foist mustard and electric green Oompa Loompa parachute sacks as acceptable merchandise to stores out there.
A purse is a very sensitive issue. It has to be just so. It can't be too small, or too frumpy, or too weird-shaped. My purse is where I keep the important things: bobby pins and crumpled receipts from 8 months ago. For several months I also lugged around a Starbucks gift card that had like two and a half cents on it, but presenting to the cashier would have been like trying to pay for my cinammon dulce latte with a peso. My friend Sandy has a total mom purse. On the outside it looks trendy enough, but one glimpse of the cavernous inside reveals what is really held in its depths: keys, wallet, medicine, water bottle, collapsable staircase, several parchment scrolls from the Greek revival, magic flying slippers, etc.
So anyway, I suppose I am stuck for now with my little black Liz Claiborne number that I bought at Ross. I guess it could be worse. I've stocked up on shoes, because now I hear that puce is making a comeback...

Now For Something Encouraging:

Johhny shared this with our church while he was pitch hitting in the pastor's pulpit. Pretty cool. There are 4 or 5 parts to this. I'm including part 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfNiZrt5FjU

Election Day is Almost Here (Unfortunately)

Ah, the winds of change, they are a blowin'. And even if that wind consists of the hot, rancid breath issuing forth form Obama and McCain, we as American citizens still must to our part to deliberatly and methodically research our options. Even if the choices for voting can be equivicated to choosing between being led to the block, or being stuck at a Barry Manilow look-a-like convention, we still have the obligation to prepare to make the best decisions we can.

Sunday afternoon at Suzy's house, Janet and I fevershily researched our way through the devisive issues. Armed with highlighters, intrepid fact finding skills, and peanut M&Ms, we marched through the information to get the answers. Suzy was there too, but as evidenced by the pictures below, she decided to take a more passive approach:

I sit with a smirk of satisfaction, knowing full well that Evil cannot prevail against truth, justice, and spellcheck.

Here Janet displays a look of keen intensity knowing that she is researching issues that could quite possibly stop the rotation of the Earth.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The Land Before Time (the 80's)

A few weeks ago, my mom told me that someone named Chrsity called her house asking for me. As soon as she started reading the area code "503" back to me, I knew that it was non other than my imfamous partner in slumber party-dom, Christy Southard (now Christy Leigh). We would go to each others' house and stay up all hours playing UNO, gossiping, and eating. Sometimes we would take walks in the dark to what used to be Christown Mall. Considering we lived off of Indian School and 7th Street, it was a good thing we weren't killed or molested-especially in that neighborhood! I remember the fashion trends back then: stirrup pants, pegged jeans, and bobbed hair. I remember my favorie songs: "Be Near Me" by ABC, and anything New Wave. My crush at the time: Jason Taylor. I remember wearing white pumps and a red plaid skirt to school and feeling oh-so-grown up.

Christy and I had totally different tastes and goals, but somehow we ended up staying friends until she moved back to Oregon in the 8th grade. Anyway, she mentioned that she lost her pictures when they were destroyed in storage. I don't have a scanner, so I took some pics out of my scrapbook and will post them here.

Thank you Christy for making the effort to come into contact with me!

Goody!

This is one of the best times of the year! I realize it is trite to write about the weather, but for us Phoenicians, this is a very big deal. Soon I will be able to check the mail without needing to bring a canteen and 790 UV sun screen. No more touching my car keys and accidentally peeling off a top layer of skin. That's right-fall is on the way. Even if it is a bit relucant. Summer seems to go on and on and on and on here. Kinda reminds me of an annoying neighbor that won't get off your couch and sprawls all over your lucky teddy bear. Needless, to say I have been anticpating this for weeks. Even though it's still in the 90s, I stubbornly ordered myself a hot chocolate the other night at Starbucks. So what if I'm still crankin' the a/c at home.

Avast Ye Matey!!

ARRRR!!! 'Tis National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Even though the day tis almost over, I just wanted to wish my fellow lassies and scallywags a hearty good day. So go enjoy a good bucket 'o chum, and hug a pirate today. Else I'll be poking ye in the eye with me hook.

http://www.piratequiz.com/

Goodbye Dan and Tammy

Well, the inevitable finally happened. Yesterday the Williams herd and assorted helpers pulled out of their driveway for the last time. I knew this was coming, but who wants to dwell there? It's like staring into the sun or thinking about the Apocolypse. Before I get too morose, I can say that I am so grateful for the time I had with them. I'm including some pics that Janet took before they left.

5 Mosiquito Bites and 2 batches of Homemade Donuts

I just got back from Texas Camp, and I had a blast. Sure, the humidity made my hair frizz out larger than a cowboy's belt buckle. And sure, the United Nations of insects converging around the dorms was speaking in tongues at night. Besides that, I am so glad I went. God really helped me gain so much ground. It is worth the sleep deprivation and flu germs I'm fighting off (sorry in retrospect for anyone I breathed on). We are so lucky to live in a country where we can go and freely seek to touch God's face. And we are so lucky that we know a God who wants us to do that. Pulling off the campgrounds yesterday was a little bit like leaving the womb. Ah, the reality dust is starting to settle in around me today. Anyway, I am glad I got to see a lot of the people. I can't think of anyone who beats the love and warmth of the Holiness Peeps!

Tea Girls Gone Wild

We all went to Gooseberries on Saturday as a last Hurrah for the girls. We wanted to hang out as a group before Tammy leaves. We were sooooo obnoxious. I couldn't stop taking pictures of everything, including the dainty little sugar cubes that had fondant decorations. Janet and I had a blast talking in English accents (for those of you across the pond, forgive us. We had to let our inner hams loose).

I'm a Fancy Schmancy Pants

Well, I'm not really a fancy schmancy pants. But I did get a promotion a few weeks ago. I used to be a Phone Monkey, Level II. But now I'm a Senior Phone Monkey. I was very surprised when they offered me the job. I'm in the sales department for a financial services company, and was shocked that they would even consider me. I was given the choice to stay and take inbound calls, or could go to outbound. I chose the latter because I only have to work one Saturday a month, and I am off every Friday and Sunday. (Can we say THREE DAY WEEKEND, boys and girls?)

Anyway, that's really all I have to say right now. I don't have kids to write about, so maybe I'll buy myself a pet Lemur and dress it up or something.

Lolling around between services and trying to work off Sunday's post-church feast, Angie and I thought it would be pretty spiffy to get ourselves a Tammy 'do. Actually, we ended up being coerced by Timmy and Ashley, bona fide members of the Hair Style Mafia. They must have been bored that afternoon.
Angie and Tammy both have an abundance of hair. So much so, that with one flippant toss of their loose locks, they could swith the light on in the next room without getting up from their chair. The kids thought it would be fun to do our hair. Consequently, they ended up with generous, Grecian-like hairstyles. My bun-well I guess it's like comparing a crusty, burnt-up fish stick next to Moby Dick. You get the idea.
Anyway, we took some pictures to commemorate the day. I'm on the ham on the left
Angie and Tammy are the hams next to me

Too much lime verbena air freshner